


Emergency or Non-Emergency

by CatrinaSL



Series: Four Words [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And Talking About Sex Pollen, F/M, Flirting, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Just Sex Pollen Paperwork, Paperwork, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, Sex Pollen, Suggestive Themes, but not actually, four words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-09 13:15:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14716751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatrinaSL/pseuds/CatrinaSL
Summary: Clint helps Darcy out with some paperwork. And then some other things.





	Emergency or Non-Emergency

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShinpeiHolic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinpeiHolic/gifts).



> ShinpeiHolic prompted, "Don't be fucking rude."

Jane put her notebook down when Thor appeared in the doorway.

"I see how it is," Darcy called after them. "I'll just finish all this boring paperwork myself, then, shall I?"

"It's not like she was helping much with it anyway," Clint commented. "But it is nice to see that she does stop working when she's got something to stop working _for_."

Darcy laughed and smacked him playfully. "Don't be fucking rude," she scolded.

"Nothing rude about being happy for a friend," Clint returned with a grin, nudging Darcy with his elbow.

"It is when it's at the expense of _another_ friend who has to do all the work alone!" she sighed dramatically, and nudged him back.

"Not alone," Clint corrected, scooting his chair closer. "I'm right here."

Darcy rolled her eyes and made with the sass to cover up the fact that her heart started beating faster the closer he got.

"I don't know if you'd noticed," she said, "but you've been 'right here' for the past three hours, and I don't think I've gotten much done since you showed up."

"Yeah?" Clint returned. "Why's that?"

"Because you're not a help, you're a _distraction_ ," Darcy told him.

"A distraction?" he echoed. "It's not like I'm pulling on your pigtails or throwing paper airplanes at you or anything."

There were no paper airplanes nearby, so Clint had to content himself with playing with Darcy's hair, tugging on it and using the ends to tickle her cheek.

"You want to be helpful?" she asked, laughing as she shook her hair over her other shoulder and out of his reach. "Explain this to me. This form _says_ it's for consent, but instead of a paragraph about what I'm supposed to be consenting to, there are just blanks for me to write people's names in? I think?"

Clint leaned in a little closer to inspect the form in question. Darcy stayed where she was instead of moving back to give him room. She didn't want him to think she didn't want to be close to him. She was almost completely sure that a personal space issue had given Clint the wrong idea about how she felt back when they were in New Mexico.

"Oh," Clint said, sitting up. "It's a sex pollen consent form."

"A what, now?"

"Sex pollen," Clint repeated. "It's a thing. S.H.I.E.L.D. used to run into it occasionally. Sometimes it's alien, sometimes an accident in the biochem lab. It makes you... want sex. Need it. That's why the consent form. When the substance causes you to be unable to consent, they already have in writing who you'd want to... _help you_. In that situation."

Darcy stared down at the paper. "But there are _three_ blanks."

"Well, if your first choice is unavailable, they go to the second, and so on."

"I can't submit a Top 50?" Darcy asked. "That's disappointing."

Clint pointed to the bottom of the page with a smirk. "I think that's what 'Supplemental Form 2578B is for," he told her.

She laughed.

"So I write down some names... and then what? If I get dosed with sex pollen, the people on my consent form all find out I was DTF the whole time? That's gotta be embarrassing."

"Well, it's an 'in case of emergency' situation, so they only find out if it actually happens," Clint said. " _Or_ , you could check with them in advance. Make sure they're okay with being your emergency contact."

"My emergency sex contact," Darcy clarified.

Clint nodded.

"How does one go about asking someone to be their emergency sex contact?" Darcy wanted to know.

"Well, you just... y'know, ask," Clint explained helpfully.

"Like, 'Clint, will you be my emergency sex contact?'"

"Yeah," he said. "Like that."

"Okay," Darcy said, turning the paper away so he wouldn't see what she was writing. "Who's at the top of your list?"

"Definitely Tony," he replied.

She laughed.

"Who's at the top of yours?"

"About that..." Darcy said with a grin. "Clint, will you be my emergency sex contact?"

He licked his lips and scooted a little closer. "Sure, Darcy."

"Then it's you," she said, revealing the paper. "And _then_ Tony."

"I'd expect nothing less," Clint laughed.

In the silence that followed, Darcy shuffled some of the papers around, looking for another subject more than she was looking for any object in particular.

"You know," Clint began, "you don't actually have to wait until you get sex pollened to, uh, _get to know_ your emergency contact."

"Really?" Darcy asked, smiling slyly.

"Not at all," Clint said. "You could... do a test run."

"That sounds like a good idea," she told him. "You and Tony have gotten familiar with one another, then?"

Clint laughed.

"You know you don't have to use the sex pollen consent form as an excuse, Clint," Darcy said. "You could tell Tony how you really feel about him."

"That's some good advice, Darcy," Clint said. "Maybe I will." He leaned in, beckoning her closer so that he could whisper in her ear: "I like you."

She grinned and tilted her head so they were nearly nose to nose. "I like you too," she whispered back, her eyes on his lips. "So where do we go from here?"

"How about here?" Clint asked, and kissed her.

"That's where I was hoping you'd go," Darcy said when Clint pulled away.

"I've got a few other places you might be interested in," he told her.

"Sounds promising," Darcy replied. "But maybe we should relocate... my new apartment, maybe?"

Clint smiled. "Lead the way."

* * *

"Clint?" Darcy asked later that evening.

"Mmm?"

"Is sex pollen _really_ a thing?"

"Of course it is," he said.

"But...?"

"But those forms were old S.H.I.E.L.D. paperwork that the Avengers decided were optional."

Darcy stretched out onto her side next to him. "I'm glad I filled them out," she said. "You never know when you'll need emergency sex."

Clint grinned and pulled her close. "I'm happy to be here for you," he said. "Emergency or non-emergency."

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com/post/174404972268/emergency-or-non-emergency)
> 
> Tumblr: [catrinasl](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Twitter: [@Catrina_SL](http://twitter.com/Catrina_SL)


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